What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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