His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
