I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
