A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
