...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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