Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
