I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dignity is for republicans.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
