My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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