just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
