grandma shit on top of the toilet
just tell him i said nine months
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
