i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
