Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
