well I can't set my house on fire every night
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
