Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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