Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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