hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
