So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
