My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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