he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
