wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
