I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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