TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
