Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
