I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
