just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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