Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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