you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
