Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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