Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
