His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
