Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
