i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize