U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I AM VODKA MAN
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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