She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
