New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
