Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Pooping to opera.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
