have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize