Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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