Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
