So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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