I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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