my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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