he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
