she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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