Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
