Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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