he looks like a really good dad on facebook
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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