I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my shit smells like andre
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
