My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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