Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
