wat bout pragnant strippers??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
