pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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