How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize