i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
