you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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