oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
