I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
