she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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