You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
