Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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