True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize