If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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