I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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