How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
