will power is for people who don't want to get laid
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
