When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
