I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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