I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize