i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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