bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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