Yo dont text me then not text me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
