Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
