oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
