Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
false alarm, still single
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
