Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
