Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just had sex on a roof
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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