I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I stole a fireplace last night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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